-Xuanie- =P

2011-11-08T20:41:00.003+08:00

陪著我的時候想著她－　郭静

音樂節的煙火　照亮多少人的寂寞
震耳欲聾的全宇宙　裝不下一句溫柔
在你身後低著頭　也沒有　什麼好說
如果你的難過　你的沉默　不為我

和你一起聽的歌
怎麼都變那麼苦呢
最愛的人就在身邊怎麼我都不快樂
原來甜蜜會乾涸幸福會陷入沼澤
才讓天的顏色心的溫熱都變了

你陪著我的時候想著她
你聽不見我的心在喧譁
明明我知道卻裝作沒想法
是善體人意還是傻瓜

你陪著我的時候想著她
你看不見我的笑多受傷
世界有多大只剩下一個她
遮住我的星光還佔領你的善良

那些捨得捨不得通通留給回憶好了
如果你有那麼為難我也不能勉強的
曾一起走過曲折現在誰還能選擇
從此你的內疚我的遷就自由了
轉載來自

你陪著我的時候想著她
你聽不見我的心在喧譁
明明我知道卻裝作沒想法
是善體人意還是傻瓜

你陪著我的時候想著她
你看不見我的笑多受傷
世界有多大只剩下一個她
遮住我的星光還佔領你的善良

人潮推著我們走
就鬆開了那雙彼此緊緊握著的手
最後的以後 Oh~~

你陪著我的時候想著她
你聽不見我的心在喧譁
明明我知道卻裝作沒想法
是善體人意還是傻瓜

你陪著我的時候想著她
你看不見我的笑多受傷
世界有多大只剩下一個她
遮住我的星光還佔領著你的善良

2011-03-16T11:35:00.000+08:00

16 March 11 (Wed)
overslept, only manage to wake up in the noon 3pm.
tuition postponed to 4pm.
Tuition R & J.
R's maid told me, I'm a good tutor.
Surprising a simple compliment and acknowledgement of someone can make me feels so good. =)
Tuition G & J.

Meet E.Q to do work. Had ice-cream with her and Shi Ngee. =)
Do work at ECP mac, bump into Jierong and Weilun.

15 March 11 (Tue)
Morning was overwhelmed with guilt as I left Mdm Chew slping alone the nite before.
Breakfast was good from CV Hotel. =) 2 Servings...
Head for Pulau Ubin. =))

Had kayaking. =)
Been a real long time since I last kayak.
Pair up with Mr Rizal. Chit chat abit.
It never fails to amaze me how passionate some teachers are.
How they devote decades into education, though they also know they can't change much for certain aspects. Nonetheless, they held on.
And I certainly miss kayaking. Gosh, so wanna commit to it again..
Reminds me of my kayaking expedition during my sec school, Miss Tan and Hui Yin.
I never seen Hui Yin again, but she was one junior who touch my heart.
May all is well for her now.
God Bless.

Bimbo session with the malay teachers, those random casual chat with the senior teachers, random laughter...blah blah...
Lunch was good too. =) 2 serving! haha, and Herni treat me an ice-cream!
Thank God for all the love from all the 'seniors'.
they have treated me like their young sister. =))

After lunch had fish spa! =) lolx..
the last time was about 1.5 years back with Yokie.
haha, soak in for damn long.
*proudly declare: I have smooth legs now. =)
weeh ee weeh *grins*

Time flies..time to head home.
This staff retreat was awesome for me.
it constantly remind me the importance of understanding a person you're working with.
It reminds me to treat people with sincere, and that who I used to be.
It is not tough to humble down and learn.
Am certainly glad to some teachers better, though things may return back the same when school reopen, I'm glad I had a good time with them before.

Many thanks to Miss Chiam, Aisha, Herni, Nora, Siti, Rida, Rizal, Mdm Chew, Mrs Quek, Sharon, Joanna, Miss Seow, Yi Fang, Audrey, June Sim, Sydney, Poh Chin, Chek Seng.
You guys really brighten my day and leave a good memory with me to take on, be it I return to MSHS or not.
This was a good trip.
Thank God.

I did not stick to my usual clique, but stepping out of comfort zone makes me gain alot more.
I do miss them but i really need to get over with my weird thoughts.

Do work at Siglap Starbucks with E.Q.
Had dinner aka supper at Old Hong Kong cafe with E.Q & Shi Ngee.

14 March 11 (Mon)
Staff retreat was kind of boring, or rather, the workshop is really boring.
Manage to spend some time engaging conversation with some teachers, random stuff learnt. =)

Kind of flare up over some trival stuff.
Talk some things out with Miss C.
Had a random night talking with Miss Tong, Mrs Quek and Mr Xu.
haha...weird combination. still, much food for thoughts.

13 March 11 (Sun)
Send sis to Botanic Garden
Meet Jonny and Mike. =)
Had a sweet sweet session slacking with them. =)
tuition G & J

send Mike to Camp. =)

12 March 11 (Sat)
Tuition R.
Send sis to bugis, pick bro, head to da jie's place.
Celebrate Jenelle's 2nd bday. =)
Play mahjong. =)

meet e.q. =)
end up with a drama. lolx.

11 March 11 (Fri)
Meet E.Q, had lunch at ECP Carls Junior.

10 March 11 (Thu)
MC.
E.Q acc me to doc.
Go ECP eat at hong kong cafe.
Sharing. =)

9 March 11 (Wed)
Had a bad rest last nite.
Daddy took car out.
He left a note for me in the morning.
Mixed feelings, pissed, guilt, doubt.
haix..

Contact time damn long. =(

Get car ownership transference done. =)
Officially the owner of my car.
Meet E.Q.
I hate traffic jams! =(

8 March 11 (Tue)
Tuition G & J

Meet E.Q. Had dinner at pastamania, Candy Empire! =))

7 March 11 (Mon)
Felt damn guilty about Sat.
This incident really makes me realise the importance of keeping my words.
Sorry.
Miss Helen Ng share quite a bit with me too..
Indeed..

6 March 11 (Sun)
Chill. Listen songs, did some work..
Tuition R & J.
Tuition G & R.
Meet Jonny, Mike and Chun Fen.
Chill at kovan Hong Kong Cafe.
Love them! =)
Bump into Yulin and Lilin. Sweet sisters. =
Head home did marking...

5 March 11 (Sat)
Knock out, unwell.. =(
slept till nite 9ish.
So damn.. missed an outing with Miss Chua and Mrs Quek.. =(
Woke up head to Zouk.
Help Yin Lee and Eric.
It is good to see all my happy pills.
Glad to know someone like Kun Feng.
And I miss Joyce.
I like those short trips conversation we shared..
will definitely miss her when she heads for UK this August.
Of course i'm missing my two other buddies..
Tiffy, wonder how is her Dance delight, how is her school, did she ride safely...
Wini, how is her army so far? doing good?

4 March 11(Fri)
Facebook is bad.
It just made me feel shaken for awhile.
Though few hours back, I could proudly says I'm proud of myself.
Time needed indeed. Just hope not too long.
Miss Quek though you'll never see this,nonetheless, let's jiayou together! =)
Send Robin & Yi Fang back.
marking test papers and doing statistics is a chore...
*faint*

Meet kris to settle some insurance stuff.
Boo! =s so many things to ponder..
Meet Miss Quek for Starbucks coffee. =)
Go pray at Granny's place.
Then head to ECP find E.Q.
Chat, chill..
很高兴能认识这位好朋友。

Had Mahjong!! =)
nice game but shagged max!
Gambling be a real addict..

3 March 11 (Thu)
Head down Henderson (BSS) CSM.
I got a shocked...
The kids there..haix..poor thing.
可恶，可怒但也很可怜。
Family, brought up, human...
And I really wanna be a soical worker. =s
Volunteer, I wanna be.
It always give me the strength and reminds me who I am and what I wanna do.

Meet Miss Quek for late lunch aka dinner.
She reminds me of Yiting.
And modules studied for Dip CC.

Felt empowered as I share my opinions and thoughts.
The feeling was so familiar. The old Xuan.
Thanks Miss Quek, you have no idea how you empowered me.

Sometimes, all one ask for is so simple.
But it can't be fulfilled.

I miss Miss Chua.
Have not been communicating with her for the whole week.
Haix.
maybe there is Best Before for people in one's life. Even Expire.
Friends..Was added to YJC alumni, found some friends.
Friends who were so dear.
of course some never seen again.
Long accepted the fact that people come and go, difference: I still miss them.
The random people.

This year I finally face the reality.
Went back to Peirce and YJ.
Talk to teachers, reminisce the old good times.
Actually many are still there, still caring.
陈老师，谢谢您的教导与关心。
我虽然从未当你正牌的学生，但你仍然分享指点。
感恩。
Mrs George, Miss Luo, Miss Sim, Miss Lim
Uncle jackson. =)
Miss Hong, Mrs Chang, Mdm Nah, Miss Tan, Mr Ong..
当蓝与黄老师说：“你是我们的骄傲。”，心中的那份感动无法形容。
那勉励如此熟悉，那份肯定如此贴切。
谢谢老师们。

这一切不禁让我想起了《再别康桥》。
我需要用我心中的那把尺，好好规划我的人生。

2 March 11(Wed)
Tuition R & J.
Tuition J & G.
Meet Mingming, got her a sunflower and a pink rose for her bday.
22 year old le. Jiayou yeah?
6 years passed since I first know her. =)
明明！你长大了哦！=)
Chat, slack. Another random but enjoyable nite.

1 March 11 (Tue)
Meet Wei Qiang to settle car stuff.
So many things need to take note of. =s

Gave tuition to J & G.
J is really making good progress. =)
Worried for G though.

Grandma's birthday, can't celebrate though.
Had a simple dinner at her place.
Didnt talk much, merely watching tv.
Sometimes it's just the presence.
Times like this, I question myself.
Why am I even volunteering at Lions Befriender, when I didn't spend or fork out time to be with my grannies?
It's different was an excuse I used.
Time to eliminate that and accompany mummy when she visits gandma every evening,whenever possible.
不知为何，妈妈的孝顺、的开心，如此简单但遥不可及。

Ice-cream at Gelare with Miss Elenda Quek.
It was a random meet up, but a nice one.
Haha, in fact it's our first meet up as friends.
有些人果然萍水相逢但一见如故，如此亲。=)
These people encourage me subtle and randomly.

2011-02-21T12:04:00.003+08:00

如果没有你莫文蔚

hey　我真的好想你
现在窗外面又开始下着雨
眼睛干干的有想哭的心情
不知道你现在到底在哪里

hey　我真的好想你
太多的情绪没适当的表情
最想说的话我该从何说起
你是否也像我一样在想你

如果没有你没有过去
我不会有伤心
但是有如果还是要爱你
如果没有你我在哪里
又有什么可惜
反正一切来不及
反正没有了自已

hey我真的好想你
不知道你现在到底在哪里

你是否也像我一样在想你

萧的版本，是细腻高亢版的；
倪的版本，是落寞悲伤版的。
两者我都很喜欢，因为都感动了我，每一次听，心里头就会揪一下。。。

2011-02-11T15:20:00.002+08:00

It's not difficult after all.
Not that sore anymore.

It is hard to be disciplined.
And i thank God for the love and care of the angel He sent.

其实现在的我很幸福　＝）
I need to be more focus and get my priorities rite, that's all.

2011-02-08T12:37:00.002+08:00

书桌上的香水
你沉默的背对
只剩下那一点点
还是闻得到从前

西装里的口袋
我整理过的爱
又破了那一点点
我帮你补了誓言

从没实现的摇滚梦
我也陪你走好多遍
断弦的吉他
始终弹不出我要的答案

我和你拼了好几夜
约翰蓝侬的图片
却拼不到一个永远
我在等你喊停

感觉不到从前温柔的双眼
感觉的到你已不再眷恋
无奈的笑试图让我知道
得了失忆可能对你我都好

感觉不到说是为了我改变
感觉的到承诺划过我左脸
我不知道也许我会得到
一句还是朋友
这是借口还是尽头

选择性失忆或许对你我都好…
Xue Hu：We probably wouldn't worry so much about what people think of us if we only knew how seldom they do.

2011-01-27T08:03:00.002+08:00

Posted:
Aw Jiemingand they all end off with "It's not you, it's me."

5 likes
Comment:
Aw Jieming this is the most popular breakup line. it's better than “I just don’t think we’re suitable. ", "I've got no more feelings for you"
Tuesday at 1:58pm ·

Joleen Ong i just thought of one! "I think you deserve so much better"
Tuesday at 2:00pm ·

Aw Jieming omg! " You're a good guy/gal. i'm sure you can find someone that appreciates you, just that the person isnt me."
Tuesday at 2:02pm ·

Wanru Wong what if both of them say it the same time?
Tuesday at 2:24pm ·

Joleen Ong then happy! good right? No win no lose
Tuesday at 2:28pm ·

Aw Jieming both say at the same time,means it's damn good,means no heartache!
Tuesday at 7:34pm ·

Tan XuanHong Woah... Power...u got it right... "It's not u, it's me"...
Yesterday at 12:36am ·

Aw Jieming hahaha,it's always like that whether is you dump or ppl dump.
Yesterday at 7:59am ·

下一站幸福：The problem lies with me, not you.

看着这些银幕，我只能苦笑。
果然印证了人生如戏……

more of, "it's not about u, it's about me.
don't you get it? silly.."

我了…
心无旁骛时，最安……

my new hobby:
see facebook post up.
not that i'm judging or find my friends amusing.
Just that it is interesting to see how people post their thoughts, feelings, weird comments...
i think i'm starting to learn and reflect more after seeing all those post.
They also make me realise life, though varies individually but many face the same issue.
The only difference is how people handle it, the time needed, the mentality..
How over the years, people never changed a single bit, how some indulge in self denial thinking they changed for the better but realise they are still in the same shit, pretending to be somebody they are not, posting motivational statement daily but personally not at all motivated by it, thanking God for every single bit but complains about all trivial stuff, how wonderful their relationship is but end up in relationshit, job anger,studies fustration..blah blah blah blah...
depress, anger, emo...all the same negative feelings.
i'm only human. I do feel the same many times.
Just that I no longer surface it and put it on the table top for display.
learning to take it on my own stride. or rather, find no need to be known anymore.
Hmm, ironically i find myself no longer able to paraphase or find the right words to describe how i'm feeling or thinking...
silence is where i write it out, thinking is my diary. and forgetting is my hideout for my diary.

2011-01-20T11:03:00.004+08:00

我想你会很喜欢这首歌吧？
我很喜欢。
因为它给了我彻底的痛。

第一次深深地欣赏到mv配搭歌曲的那份感动
情景交融
泪，湿透了无神以久的眼眶……

“其实
我们没谈过恋爱吧
我们根本没有在一起过
你说的那段感情是没有的
对不对”

给我一个理由忘记-A-Lin(黄丽玲)

雨都停了这片天灰什么呢
我还记得你说我们要快乐
深夜里的脚步声总是刺耳
害怕寂寞就让狂欢的城市陪我关灯

只是哪怕周围再多人感觉还是一个人
每当我笑了心却狠狠的哭着

给我一个理由忘记那么爱我的你
给我一个理由放弃当时做的决定
有些爱越想抽离却越更清晰
那最痛的距离是你不在身边却在我的心里

“（朋友）,你现在有空吗？
没关系，没关系
对啊，没事啊”

当我走在去过的每个地方
总会听到你那最自由的笑
当我回到一个人住的地方
最怕看到冬天你最爱穿的那件外套

我找不到理由忘记大雨里的别离
我找不到理由放弃我等你的决心
有些爱越想抽离却越更清晰
那最痛的距离是你不在身边却在我的心里
我想你

“明明都已经删除干净了
你还是要不停的出现
你快点离开　好吗”

2011-01-20T10:53:00.003+08:00

属于
我坚持的都值得坚持吗
我所相信的就是真的吗
如果我敢追求我就敢拥有吗
而如果都算了不要呢

或许吧或许我永远都不会遇见他
或许吧或许我太天真了吧

属于我的昨天之前的结局
我决定我的决定
属于我的明天之后的憧憬
我迷信我的迷信
属于我们点点滴滴的伤心
我们要各自忘记
属于我们闪闪发亮的爱情
我们再一起努力

属于风的那就去飞翔吧
属于海洋的那就汹涌吧
属于我们的爱该来的就来吧
为什么不敢呢不要呢?

是他吧命中早就注定了她的那个他
是他吧他原来就在这里啊

2011-01-20T10:41:00.004+08:00

接受--梁静茹

仿佛上一分钟　你还陪在我左右
还以为我们会　开花结果
我还记得玫瑰色天空　却模糊了我们的脸孔
哼过的歌到底是什么内容

仿佛已经自由　下一个我变成风
吹过你的脸孔差点失控
回忆在夜里闹得很凶　
我想我可以明白你所有的痛
想让你知道我懂　觉得心言不由衷

我们都接受　一定是彼此不够成熟
在爱情里分不了轻重
诚实的过了头　不能退后也无法向前走

爱是一个自私的念头
把寂寞消除的理由　
剩下的那些感动　能记得多久

2011-01-20T10:24:00.004+08:00

突然想起这首歌，你第一次试唱我就在你左右。
看着歌词，我是不是很傻？
当你在唱这首歌时，心中是否有个放不下的对象？
可能我又是胡思乱想，但若是真的，我还真可笑。
但我还是因为你而喜欢上这首歌。
我想，我一直活在你放不下的过去里。

我知道－By2

“你好吗？我很想你！”

从来没想过　不能再和你牵手
委屈时候没有　你陪着我心痛
一切都是我太过骄纵　以为你会懂
一直忘了说　我有多感动

我知道你还是爱着我
虽然　分开的理由我们都已接受
你知道我会有多难过　
所以　即使到最后还微笑着要我加油

我知道你还放不下我
才会　在离开时闭着眼没有回头
我们都知道彼此心中
其实　这份爱没停过

“xxx，我很喜欢你！”

曾经完整幸福的梦在脑海里头
我多希望你　还在我左右
答应你我会好好过不让这些眼泪白流

“你知道吗？我很想你。。。。。。”

2011-01-17T11:27:00.002+08:00

2011. =)
2 weeks past.
Trying to keep myself really occupied.
Attend all sort of gathering and organise a few.
It's a new year after all, gotta start it rite.
I remind myself over and over again, I will not permit anyone to make me feel sad.
No one else except for myself.
No emo songs and phases allowed.
Less words, emotions and rubbish.

Gotten a car. Have to thank mum and sis for their love. =)

For work, it's responsibility.
And in few months time I need to consider the bond.
For now, I think i would like to stable myself in this career.

Chapel, a new start of hard word I guess.

Lord, family, friends, self...
I put them all in your mighty hands.

F told me, "what to do? Life moves on."
F's right. It become a kind of sweet yet vengeful statement.
All is well, though sometimes the past is back to haunt one down.
Especially I really can't control, when it comes to dreams and nightmares.
Had a couple horrible ones. One is about death, the other about confrontation. Woke up perspiring profusely and tearing. That really spoilt my day. I know I should behaviour like an adult, it is afterall, dream.
But the reality is as cruel and numb.
I understand many things cant be forced. Just that the pain is real.
I wrote you a song, and a poem for that song. And i choose to remember no parts of it.
That is the safest place where no one else nor u will ever know, maybe not even myself.
I once had it, like you or maybe not really.
I bought, wanna buy stuffs for u. all the things keeping with me. To give or not to?
Wrote and type many unsend letters and msgs.
I will delete and burnt all off one day. The day will be soon. Cos I suppose u want me to be.
Yes, lotsa misses. But the other side of the story? well.
Wont wanna have any more rejection feelings.
From my diary to facebook status in 2010, many smiley arises since I know u.
For that, thanks.
I'm not as impactful I guess. Sometimes I wish you're not so cool. Sometimes..
And many times I know many things which I choose not to.
Denial kills.
I would say I have been coping well, as compared to the past, and as I supposed I would towards you. I have choose to leave you for quite some time. And to make you feel that what you have decided one month ago is a good decision. Are you happy?
Just that, from the day I took my departure from your base, i dunnoe how to proceed from there in the air. Could u help me in the midst and even landing?
I dunnoe how to stay connected my friend.
And that is exactly why I felt so heavy hearted after waking up from that nitemare yesterday.
I actually stay connected with u in my own sub-conscious world. and that kills.
I've decided to break that very own curse i've set for myself.
No more karma, if i wont allow it to happen to me.
And that i learnt: to love, no more absolute.

Mixed feelings but yap... :
White Flag
I know you think that I shouldn't still love you
Or tell you that
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
Where's the sense in that?

I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

I know I left too much mess and destruction
To come back again
And I caused nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of it's over
Then I'm sure that that makes sense

But I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be

And when we meet, which I'm sure we will
All that was there will be there still
I'll let it pass and hold my tongue
And you will think that I've moved on

2010-11-09T09:07:00.001+08:00

You may not be her first, her last, or her only.
She loved before she may love again.
But if she loves you now, what else matters?
She’s not perfect but you aren’t either, and the two of you may never be perfect together but if she can make you laugh, cause you to think twice, and admit to being human and making mistakes, hold onto her and give her the most you can.
She may not be thinking about you every second of the day, but she will give you a part of her that she knows you can break - her heart. So don’t hurt her, don’t change her, don’t analyze and don’t expect more than she can give.
Smile when she makes you happy, let her know when she makes you mad, and miss her when she’s not there.

2010-11-08T17:13:00.002+08:00

I am only one, but still I am one.
I cannot do everything, but still I can do something;
and because I cannot do everything, I will not refuse to do something that I can do
~Helen Keller

2010-11-08T16:27:00.004+08:00

School term over.
Busy with meetings and reviews.
My first batch of student done well. =)
Starting to open up, mingles with some colleagues. =)

Was back in Zouk last week. =)
Dead beat, but ironically, i feel so alive and refresh! =)
Must be the people there. =)

I mentioned in September:
"3 more months to year end, I am anticipating to much changes along the way. What/who may come and go, gain and lost, happy and sadness... Accepting the expecting of unexpectedness together with the expectedness, isn't that life has been all the while? At least for the past 22 years of my life. =P "
Maybe I have to learn to take it as easy as how I post it.

Relationship needs communication.
Communication takes more than one to listen,one to talk.
But also, the one who listens to speak up and the person who speaks to listen.
Then again, will the person who listen give the person who talks a chance to listen?
When both decide not to talk no more,u know things fail...
When all fails, you know nothing can establish.
However, did both parties even try to say it cant be establish?
You know you're old when u start to doubt romance,fairy tales and something call love.

山不转，路转；
路不转，人转；
人不转，心转；

心转，念转一切都能迎刃而解。
烦恼往往是个人无中生有。
加油吧！
看开点，要拿得起放得下，放不下也要放。
可能最后的疼爱真的是手放开。。。

苏永康 - 爱一个人好难
你说你还是喜欢孤单
其实你怕被我看穿
你怕属于我们的船
漂漂荡荡靠不了岸

事到如今没有答案
我的真心为你牵绊
不管相见的夜多么难堪
简简单单的说爱是不爱

想要把你忘记真的好难
思念的痛在我心里纠缠
朝朝暮暮的期盼
永远没有答案
为何当初你选择一刀两断

听你说声爱我真的好难
曾经说过的话风吹云散
站在天秤的两端一样的为难
唯一的答案爱一个人好难

2010-11-08T16:23:00.002+08:00

Saw this video, song written and composed by a junior.
Think it is great.. =)

♥ You (by Lynnette & Min Zhi)
every time you come around,
my heart palpitates, it won't slow down.
i actually know you're coming my way.
i try to be cool, but i hyperventilate.

walking with you by my side,
lovestruck girls like zombies on our left and right.
feels like they're saying, "All hail the king!"
makes me feel like i'm a queen.

ohh wonder what is on your mind
when it comes to us.
if you're gonna take any longer,
i'll just be gone.

you're just too perfect
how can i measure up?
maybe it's time i stopped
dreaming.

2010-11-02T14:39:00.003+08:00

你让我懂爱
他的温热把我搂着没说太多这感觉拥有
日出和日落都会牵手走过那样的温柔
Woo Oh Ho

安定踏实多麽享受是曲折过才有的念头
所以有时候在幸福的时候会想泪流

你让我懂爱很像风
你让我懂爱会流动
风大到让我能飞上云朵
就代表也能够把我给甩落

你让我懂爱像唱歌
你让我懂爱要决择
我最爱听的未必是我能唱的
选适合的才能唱得动人深刻

安定踏实多麽享受是曲折过才有的念头
所以有的时候在幸福的时候会想泪流

你让我懂爱很像风
你让我懂爱会流动
风大到让我能飞上云朵
就代表也能够把我给甩落

你让我懂爱像唱歌
你让我懂爱要决择
我最爱听的未必是我能唱的
选适合的才能唱得动人深刻

我终於明白了你并没有带走什麽
而是留下一个　会帮我的挫折

2010-11-02T14:31:00.004+08:00

你不知道的事
蝴蝶擦几次眼睛才学会飞行
夜空撒满了星星但即刻会落地
我飞行等你堕落之际
很靠近还听见呼吸
对不起我却没抓紧你

你不知道我为什麼离开你我解释不能说
放任你哭泣
你的泪滴像倾盆大雨碎落满地 在心里清醒
你不知道我为什麼狠下心还悬著你看不见的高空里
多的是你不知道的事

2010-11-02T14:23:00.003+08:00

爱就对了 歌手：S.H.E
总是要流一些滚烫热泪才能换来对于爱的体会
你看世界没有毁灭心也没有碎其他的就交给时间解决

你当然可以重新再爱受过伤的更懂怎样爱与被爱
所以别再理有他的回忆有空再回忆
离开你的只有他但是爱还在

听我说爱是对的错的是我们还没学会爱就急着爱人而爱错人
可是爱就对了遇到下一个爱上就爱了痛苦或快乐都是我的

我当然经历过你现在的感受
我想那是人必经的折磨 Yeah~
也许每个人都该是某个人成长的助手
受一点苦痛帮助她成熟

听我说爱是对的错的是我们还没学会爱就急着爱人而爱错人
可是爱就对了遇到下一个爱上就爱了痛苦或快乐都是我的

别探听他的线索别等待他会回头爱~
不喜欢看人软弱
别继续把心封锁别躲在伤心里头爱~
万一来了别错过

爱是对的错的是我们还没学会爱就急着爱人而爱错人
可是爱就对了遇到下一个爱上就爱了痛苦或快乐都是我的

听我说爱是对的错的是别人自以为懂爱才会又爱人又伤害人
可是爱就对了爱了就值得爱这门功课艰深但快乐
爱就对了

听我说爱是对的错的是别人自以为懂爱才会又爱人又伤害人
可是爱就对了爱了就值得爱这门功课艰深但快乐爱就对了
万一来了别错过

2010-11-02T14:09:00.003+08:00

没那麼简单
没那麼简单就能找到聊得来的伴
尤其是在看过了那麼多的背叛
总是不安只好强悍
谁谋杀了我的浪漫

没那麼简单就能去爱别的全不看
变得实际也许好也许坏各一半
不爱孤单一久也习惯
不用担心谁也不用被谁管

感觉快乐就忙东忙西
感觉累了就放空自己
别人说的话随便听一听自己作决定
不想拥有太多情绪
一杯红酒配电影在周末晚上关上了手机舒服窝在沙发裡

相爱没有那麼容易每个人有他的脾气
过了爱作梦的年纪轰轰烈烈不如平静
幸福没有那麼容易才会特别让人著迷
什麼都不懂的年纪曾经最掏心所以最开心曾经

想念最伤心但却最动心的记忆

2010-11-02T13:59:00.004+08:00

对的人
你問在我心中　是否還苦惱
那次受傷　否決了愛的好
謝謝你的關照　我一切都好
一個人　不算困擾

愛雖然很美妙　卻不能為了寂寞又陷了泥沼

愛要耐心等待　仔細尋找　感覺很重要
寧可空白了手　等候一次　真心的擁抱
我相信在〔這個〕世界上　一定會遇到
對的人出現〔在眼角〕

那次流過的淚　讓我學習到
如何祝福　如何轉身不要
在眼淚體會到　與自己擁抱
愛不是一種需要　是一種對照

能願意為了一份愛付出去多少
然後得到多少並不計較
當我想清楚的時候　
我就算已經準備好
放手去愛　海闊天高　
wo wo wo wo yeah

2010-10-22T18:15:00.002+08:00

《心痛，心寒》

周围已没人了，走的走，离的离。
快乐与笑容也被牵走了。

我承认，自己不佳，是个自私自利，自以为是，不懂得关心别人的家伙。
做人做得非常失败，凡事也做不好。
我在此放下所谓的尊颜，我错了，对不起各位。

我知道很多事已来不及了，失去的再也无法从头来过。
我不奢望饶恕，但愿自己不会重蹈覆辙。
我有很多缺点，会好好反省，忏悔，尽力改过。
还请留下的好友多多包含，非常抱歉。

我们之间的回忆，我会铭记在心。
在此，我会把你们都放开。
我不配。

你们对我的好，我既然失去了才知道…
已太迟了…

我不会再执着了……
我应该消失…会消失…

2010-10-17T15:43:00.000+08:00

《空》

2010-09-04T15:57:00.002+08:00

September. 3/4 of the year passed.
much thoughts and reflections. =)
Thank God, for the lessons learnt.

Learning to take things easy. =)
the old cliche: Life move on.. =)

sometime one has to let go of the unnecessary burden,before one has the strength to embark on another journey.
Though I'm frequently at the cross road, each junction is different.
Learning...
I cannot expect friends to stand by me always. I know I'm not there for them too.
Since all is well in own zone, I'll learn to cope with it.
Let there be no conflicts. =)
Don't be mistaken, I'll still holding on to each and individual.
Dearly in my heart.
Should there be a day we meet, you'll know I'm still the same old friend. =)
not in person but by person.
If u know what I mean..

We can't stop the process of growing up, can only look into the prospective in which we see it.
I want this process to be an enjoyable one. As much as I know hurts come in as a package.
Still,I'm hopeful. =)

Right know. I just wanna be settled and stable. =)

3 more months to year end, I am anticipating to much changes along the way.
What/who may come and go, gain and lost, happy and sadness...
Accepting the expecting of unexpectedness together with the expectedness, isn't that life has been all the while?
At least for the past 22 years of my life. =P

wisdom, courage, faith...I pray..

2010-06-28T01:13:00.004+08:00

School reopening in few hours.
I'm close to breaking down again.
This pre-school reopen blue never fail to set in since Sec..
Nevertheless, am glad I played hard this whole June.
So hard that I can't remember what I have been doing.
-shake.head-

Know some new friends from Tioman trip, Army Napfa, club...
Some friends whom I kinda adore and respect?
Character, personalities.. =)
And did manage to catch up with some old friends.. =)

received one of the biggest surprise today.
Thanks Mollie, puaysung,meifeng and jiexin.
Belated but heart warming indeed.
and thanks, u never ever show but u have always been the one who love xuan. selflessly..
appreciate,wholeheartedly.

kinda emotionally unstable once again...counting down to the hours before heading to school..=s

2010-06-17T00:31:00.003+08:00

A lovely trip to Tioman.
First snorkeling experience, awesome.
Get to know some friends, a new "godpa"..
Interesting life stories... =)
Will definitely return, just a matter of time.
Miss travelling already.

Had NAPFA today, been long long long time since I last took it.
Got to work on it more.
Due to the weather condition, we had to retake it again next week.
However, the rain brings us together.
Getting to know all the "tough" girls..
ice-breaking, breakfast, gossips, chats... =))
Anticipating...

Holiday is ending, time really pass fast.
Am really glad that many things were resolved. =)
Time spend with all the love ones, with myself...
I miss "stoning"...

My sister got me an Ipod Nano for my birthday! =)
-loves.lotsa-

Thanks God for everything.. =)

2010-05-27T17:38:00.002+08:00

Letters. Didn't know that it has the ability to make my heart pump faster.
Bills, insurance, interviews, enrollment..
hmm...received quite a number of letters..
woo~~ excited..

Yeah!!! and it marks the start of my holiday! =))
meet up, party, reading, snapshots, outing, can't wait for my trip...

hopefully the unfinished matter can be settle asap and properly.
let this go well, pls...
let it past..

breakthrough, reborn, trust, hands, pray...missing church...

training..sourcing..

it is not the end of the race, not yet...
i will spur on..

2010-05-27T01:11:00.001+08:00

Somethings are learnt the hard way..
Learnt and learning still..
Yes, I do have temper if u dunnoe..
And yes, I gave up on you,us and our friendship.
Indeed, somethings and someone are not worth holding on.
Amazed by how things work and change..
It's ok. Life moves on.

Finally getting my break, from work, studies..=)
1 more day, ageing again. Wisedom must definitely be acquired with age.
That makes the difference each year, month, day and seconds.

Someone rebuked, "why u seems to know so much yet don't know how to (handle that situation)?"
I am learning.. Price comes along.And when the time comes, pay up.

Still quite a lot of uncertainties, next month is a critical month for decision.
Don't wanna waste time making the redundant mistake.

Lord, I pray for the guidance and wisdom needed to make the right choice in my life.
I put my trust in You,Amen

2010-04-12T00:11:00.004+08:00

Days, weeks, months, years past...
In a transition phase again, a relatively crucial one.
Am really glad that I'm having all the support from my friends. =)
I really don't know what to do without you guys..
Thanks, really appreciate.
All the advise, time spent means a great deal to me.

5 down, 3 more modules to be completed before getting my diploma. =)
Learnt much in this course, thank God for the lecturers and preaching..
Hopefully my admission to uni will be a smooth one.
Working in school is awesome, have a bunch of real nice kids..
Tuitioning is good.
Join a short term dance performance, ignites my interest in embarking on this journey.
Had been working out constantly. Gym, swim... =)
Family has been real missed, thanks for not giving up on me. Hope I can catch up the lost time.
Buddies had been real busy lately, can't seem to meet up that often. =s haha, thank God for BB! Feeling connected everyday.
I felt blissed with my two Bs, seems like I'm a lucky chap with 2 weekend Bs. =) Never failed to shower me with love.
Bought insurance and saving hard for uni fees.
Love? better dun come. Enjoying my singlehood. =)

Personal development, growth needed.
Had been missing out much.

In all, thank God.
I appreciate all the people and things in my life, good or bad, embracing it all.
I've learnt and learning.
Praying for the wisdom and strength in all my decision and doing. =)
Have faith and work hard..
Principles, morals, values, ethics important.
Life have to go on, move forward well and embrace every seconds.
Happiness, self attain and fight for.
What a wonderful world! =)

And yes, I'm smiling throughout while typing this entry.
Haha.. =) -cheers-

2010-03-16T12:45:00.002+08:00

Knew the signs wasn't right
I was stupid, for a while
Swept away, by you
And now I feel like a fool

So confused
My hearts bruised
Was I ever loved by you?
Out of reach, so far
I never had your heart
Out of reach, couldnt see
We were never meant to be

Catch myself, from despair
I could drown if I stay here
Keeping busy, everyday
I know I will be ok

So much hurt, so much pain
Takes a while to regain
What is lost inside
And I hope that in time
You"ll be out of my mind
I'll be over you

Out of reach, so far,
You never gave your heart
In my reach, I can see

There's a life out there for me

You can stop lying...

2010-03-16T07:40:00.002+08:00

No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free

To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind

I can't waste time so give it a moment
I realize, nothing's broken
No need to worry 'bout everything I've done
Live every second like it was my last one
Don't look back at a new direction
I loved you once, needed protection
You're still a part of everything I do
You're on my heart just like a tattoo

I'm sick of playing all of these games
It's not about taking sides
When I looked in the mirror, didn't deliver
It hurt enough to think that I could
Stop, admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I gotta be strong
And leave you behind

If I live every moment
Won't change any moment
Still a part of me and you
I will never regret you
Still the memory of you
Marks everything i do

Just like a tattoo
I'll always have you

Thanks for the memories.. =)

2010-03-07T17:41:00.000+08:00

我静静的抚摸你的头发眼瞳中流泻出对爱无力的匮乏

我的心感觉好害怕一种莫名巨大的悲伤悄悄降临在我的身旁

我淡淡的伪装我的彷徨沉默中彷佛我们之间有一道墙

我的脸笑的好牵强一切用心规划的梦想如今看来是那么勉强

我看不透你的想法多么可怕的想法

怎么去爱都是惩罚怎么选择都是一场心伤忘记我还是忘记他

我看不透你的想法多么伤心的想法

难道你已硬了心肠怎么决定都是一场渺茫忘记我还是忘记他

爱已经让人无法自拔难道我还要继续装傻继续挣扎

我不愿再自欺欺人，但是情不自禁，或许只能顺其自然。

2010-03-06T01:51:00.002+08:00

张宇-趁早

到后来才发现爱你是一种习惯
我学会和你说一样的谎
你总是要我在你身旁
说幸福该是什么模样
你给我的天堂其实是一片荒凉

要是我早可以和你一刀两断
我们就不必在爱里勉强
可是我真的不够勇敢
总为你忐忑为你心软
毕竟相爱一场不要谁心里带着伤

我可以永远笑着扮演你的配角
在你的背后自己煎熬
如果你不想要想退出要趁早
我没有非要一起到老

我可以不问感觉继续为爱讨好
冷眼的看着你的骄傲
若有情太难了想别恋要趁早
就算迷恋你的拥抱
忘了就好

爱已至此怎样的说法都能成为理由
我在这样的爱情里看见的
是我们的软弱

2010-03-06T01:38:00.003+08:00

《爱我还是他》

黑暗中的我们都没有说话
你只想回家不想你回家
寂寞深的像海太让人害怕
温柔你的手轻轻揉着我的发
你的眉眼说你好渴望我拥抱
你身体却在拼命逃当欲望在燃烧
你爱我还是他是不是真的他有比我好你为谁在挣扎
你爱我还是他就说出你想说的真心话你到底要跟我还是他

爱~爱~爱~爱~

这是不是命运对我的惩罚
爱你也没办法恨你也没办法
陷在这个旋涡只想挣脱它
拉住你的手却让我也被拖下
你的眉眼说你不渴望我拥抱
每当爱变成了煎熬你就开始要逃
你爱我还是他是不是我可以做的更好让你不再挣扎
你爱我还是他我宁愿听到残忍的回答也不要再被耍
你爱我还是他我为你找了一百个理由我就是那么傻
你爱我还是他是否沉默代替你的回答我应该明白吧
你爱我还是他你都已看不到我们的好我还为谁牵挂
你爱我还是他是否沉默就是你的回答我们都别挣扎
去爱他

2010-02-25T16:22:00.002+08:00

Have not been blogging for quite some time.
Feel weird. Unable to type anything for the last 2 hours to account for my 2months of absent.
Hmm... I guess I'll come back 3 days later.. =p

All I wanna say is, 22/02/10 =)))

2009-12-27T14:14:00.003+08:00

其实她做的事我都懂
没有什么不同
眼光闪烁暧昧流动
闭上眼当作听说

其实她人的招数我都懂
没有什么不同
故作软弱撒娇害羞
只是有一点别扭

傻瓜也许单纯地懂
爱得没那么做作
爱上了我不保留

傻瓜我还是一样
被爱情伤了又伤
相信这个她不一样
却又再一次受伤

傻瓜我还是一样
受了伤却不投降
相信付出会有代价
代价只是一句傻瓜

或许我不曾懂过
最终苦笑而过
我累了，作了这么久的傻瓜，是时候把手放开了。。。

2009-10-21T13:56:00.005+08:00

为何真心的对待，换来的是如此狼狈的结果？
人类是否都是如此自私，如此犯贱，如此可恶？

当真心被漠视，
当好意变成笑话，
当自己变成笑柄，
当冷酷无情才能符合，
当自己开始质疑镜子里的自我，
当一切都似乎不切实际，不稳固，不踏实时，我还是不是我？

近来，我被身旁的周遭搞糊涂了。
我是否应该听从他人给予的劝告？
“你不要对别人太好，他们只会视顾一切为理所当然，并忽视你的好。
这样很吃亏，得不偿失啊！”
我感到十分矛盾。
小时候，公民课并非这样教导我的。。。
难道不完美才是现今社会的完美？
以前，恐怕我不敢苟同。但如今。。。
一朝被蛇咬，十年怕井绳。　
我怕了，累了。
随着岁月的流失，我似乎也渐渐地丧失天真纯朴的自我。。。
曾经听过某人这么说道：
“日子滴在时间的岁月里，青春的生命现以逐渐远去，
立足人生奋斗的同时，别让一去不复返的岁月刻画了自己。
生活忙碌之余，别忘了疼爱自己。 ”

心中充满了问号与质疑。
可能这就是人生，时时需要自我检讨，自我探索，无奇不有。
我想我必须保持积极的态度。
我不能让周遭的事物影响我的思路，判断能力，待人处世的态度。

－深思－

2009-10-05T14:59:00.003+08:00

I need to move forward.
I need to be practical.
I need to forget about some stuff.
I need to forget about some people.
I need to learn to let go.
I need to stop caring about some people.
I need to be more selfish.
I need to love myself more!

I think...

I got to...

2009-10-05T09:08:00.005+08:00

"Selfish! coward!

I hate you so!

you can find so my excuses to cover for your own action, not to love.

Sorry..."

I never fail to feel guilty (but not regret..not too much..)..

What's the use of feeling guilty?

hmm..many told me that, I think too much...

maybe..

Worst still, I lied.

I only manage to face one person and tell that person I lied.

And the person is not me.

I cant even face myself.

I recall looking away when I tell her.

I know, that are many times when I really cant face myself.

Simply don't know how to..

Another night of insomnia...

2009-10-04T14:08:00.002+08:00

It's an awesome day!
Finish marking my books, finish exam, no tuition, no email to reply... =)
yeah! finally able to sleep well, have lunch, listen music. =)
So happy! Simple and contented..
A bit of shopping will be even better! =)

Too bad, buddies not around with me.
2 in KL and 1 in Thailand. =(
My 2 part time bf also dun wan me le. =(
Sianx...

Anyway, lately had been bomb with many "red bomb"..
Every week at least 2 bday parties, and almost every month 1 wedding or full-month celebration.
haha..happy news but pocket very tight. =p

Last nite, moon-cake festival..
At 11.41pm, the moon ought to be the brightest for this whole century.
haha, but Mr cloudy shadow it.. =s
Still, I had a good nite spent with my =).
Just chatting, slacking, sharing...The time spent, I cherish.

2009-09-23T09:41:00.003+08:00

Gosh, been so long since I blog about anything.
So many things happened.
Hmm..I'm going through great transition in my life..
Enjoying and enduring it.
Guess there is definitely a need to learn how to embrace life.

Currently, studying part time diploma in Kaplan
Teaching Chinese in a primary school.
Giving tuition to 3 kids.
And Zoukie.
Having my YEP Project Ownage on hand.
St John.
A marathon project.

Hectic indeed. Constantly trying hard to have a good time management.
Missing out lotsa social gathering and functions.
Maybe I need to go for a break soon.
Seems like I'm progressing aimlessly.
I miss many of my friends.
Even my beloved buddies.
I miss my relatives, my granny, godma, cousins, nieces... =(

Despite all, I'm glad that someone came along.
I don't know where it will lead me to, still trying, but I'm not letting go...
Not anytime soon.

How amazing, some things will never be the same again.
Learning to let go and give myself enough space.
I must learn to love myself more. =)

2009-08-11T00:59:00.002+08:00

我很累，深信，明白不只我一人。
很想封闭自己，却没这股力量。
越来越没信心。
表面上能逞强，内心却非常无奈。

原来失落也需要勇气。

2009-07-01T15:06:00.002+08:00

I have not been updating my blog for long.
I dont think anyone reading it anyway.

Come to realise, as one become older, alot of things are better not known nor said.

Moved on, new phrase, new people...
I'm still holding on the past memories in my heart.
Just memories, nothing more.
Thanks babes and dudes...

I want a fresh start. A good one..
Hopefully I can earn it right.
Many opportunities missed...
Nevertheless, by luck I earn a happy June.
Hope there's many more =) days to come..

Starting all over again..

2009-06-16T15:41:00.003+08:00

so many things happened/happening.
so many mixed feelings.
so many many..

after so many many, there is only one in my mind.
Dont go please.

2009-04-29T06:22:00.002+08:00

喜欢-古巨基

喜欢你的头发
喜欢你的脸颊
喜欢你微笑的时候眼里藏不住的光

喜欢你的害羞
喜欢你的疯狂
想要一天二十四个小时守在你身旁

喜欢开你玩笑
喜欢叫你傻瓜
喜欢吓你一跳的时候看你慌张的模样
喜欢搭你肩膀
喜欢你会怕痒
喜欢趁你没有防备偷袭你的手指甲

想要抱你一下贴紧我的胸膛
想要告诉你这样下去不是办法
想要把你绑架想要带你回家
想要非常认真严肃的承诺地老天荒

思念你令我惊慌想到你令我膨胀
你的每个笑容都会令我幸福的快爆炸
见你的时候我总是说些傻呼呼的蠢话
令我随时随地濒临疯狂

This song makes Xuan happy... =))

2009-04-29T06:16:00.002+08:00

I am bored.
I am tired.
I need a break.
I wanna go for a short trip.
I need a new surrounding..
I want a break through..

I am lazy. =(

2009-04-29T05:54:00.002+08:00

To WQ, C, Y:

Dear WQ,
Do take care of yourself, I am really worry for you.
On the other hand, I am really happy that you are having lotsa fun & enjoying yourself.
I feel happy and worried.
I miss you.
I dunnoe what to say...
I hate nagging yet I keep nagging you..
Whatever it is, 4 more months.. just be safe.
I want you back, healthy and happy!
and you really make me feel old.
~argh

Dear C,
You are really nice to me. =)
And I am really very glad to have you.
You make me smile.
Thanks for the hugs and kisses..
Thank you. =)
I promise, I will be good to you.

Dear Y,
I really hope to see you again.

2009-04-29T05:39:00.002+08:00

我们都长大了。。

我们有不一样的理想，不一样的目标。
我们都渐渐明白人生无常，人生道路必定起伏不定。
我们都知道幸福要靠自己争取。

我们知道的越多，怎么却做的越少？
我们明白了解，怎么却执着哭泣得越多？

我不知道，不明白，不了解。
我不想长大。。

~Pre 21-to-be blue =(

2009-04-29T05:09:00.003+08:00

Sometimes I made the wrong decision.
I am really sorry that I am not considerate enough, and that I am nicer to outsider.
But trust me. I love my family, alot.
I might not show it, sometimes my action show otherwise, but family really matters alot to me.
Near a week back, I failed my part and disappointed my family again.
I'm sorry, I am not a good sis nor a good daughter..
In additional, I even threw an unreasonable temper.

Not that I am not guilty or know how you guys feel towards me.
I know it is of no use to give reason or excuse..
Just wanna say, I am sorry. =(
And yes, I am truely guilty and ashame of myself.

2009-04-28T07:08:00.000+08:00

我不想忘记你郭静
我在向前走却像在退后
我在用想念狂欢寂寞
越快乐就越失落
爱将我们高高举起以后
再让心学会坠落
怀念这宽阔的天空
虽然那里空气很稀薄

我努力想起你笑着哭泣
让自己深爱你再学会放弃
我不想忘记你
就算可以
我宁可记得所有伤心
我努力想起你苦也没关系
用祝福和感激勇敢失去你
爱你这个决定
虽然艰辛
我不说对不起

一个人不懂什么是拥有
两个人不懂怎么把握
越在乎就越脆弱
爱将我们高高举起以后
再让心学会坠落
怀念这宽阔的天空
虽然那里空气很稀薄

大海-张雨生
从那遥远海边慢慢消失的你
本来模糊的脸竟然渐渐清晰
想要说些什麽又不知从何说起
只有把它放在心底

茫然走在海边看那潮来潮去
徒劳无功想把每朵浪花记清
想要说声爱你却被吹散在风里
猛然回头你在那里

如果大海能够唤回曾经的爱
就让我用一生等待
如果深情往事你已不再留恋
就让它随风飘远
如果大海能够带走我的哀愁
就像带走每条河流
所有受过的伤
所有流过的泪
我的爱
请全部带走

certain things are better left unsaid？
When words fail, music speaks..

2009-04-21T03:34:00.003+08:00

My cute tuition kids =)

#1:
Me: Do this page of exercise in 10 mins.
Darren: Teacher, can I use calculator? Please, Please! (whine)
Me: No! No bargain.. ( firmly)
-----a while later------
Darren: Teacher, you go church?
Me: No, why?
Darren: Why you so evil?
(Me shock for a moment...haha, den get wat he trying to say... I'm evil cos no calculator..haha, and he goes one round to shoot me...)
Me: Cos I never go church.. You?
Darren: Ya, I go every Sunday..
Me: I'm nice..
Darren: why?
Me: cos starting from this week you will get to enjoy heaven in the morning and hell from me in the evening. tuition on sunday will be 3 hours...
Darren: HUH?!!!
Me: ~evil grin ~

#2:
Giving Michael chinese 听写
Me：花猫
Mich mumble to himself, "hmm, flower cat.."
I giggled..
Me: you know what 花猫means?
Mich: hmm, dunnoe...
Me: Guess?
Mich: erm, flower= beautiful so beautiful cat?
me: hmm... nope... it's opposite, it means dirty cat. a desciption for.........

-------------few hours later--------------------

Met up with my buddies, sharing with them how my kids make my day...so cute..
Me: Joyce, you know what is 花猫?
Joyce: ya, draw cat (画猫)..
Tiffy (laughed out loud): no, not draw cat is "hua mao"!
Joyce: flower cat?
Tiffy (laughed again): ya...what it means?
Joyce: someone who is spendthrift?
Me and Tiffy blurred...then, haha...
Joyce: Aiya, never heard before leh, what level?
Tiffy: Pri 2..you more jalat...
me: haha...

I'm not evil or mean, I laugh/smile with respect...
Muahahahah!!! =p

2009-04-21T03:07:00.003+08:00

Had been damn sick for the past 5 days..
I guess I need to get stronger, physically and mentally..
I cannot whine and rely on anyone to take care of me, I need to learn to take care of myself..
I cannot complain, cannot anyhow throw temper..

Certain things once gone will never be back.
Always be kind to others, you might not have the chance by the time you feel like doing so.

I felt most vulunerable when I'm sick.
I wont fight back when my dad nags at me, I will mumble to myself, I will whine in my sleep and dream, I feel like a kid, I'm not stubborn, only then, my dad can talk to me... My mum will pay more attention to me, my sis and bro will care more for me... only then, I feel closer with my family..only then, I feel child-like innocent within happiness...i guess secretly I want this attention from them, which is kinda pathetic...
I secretly like this whiny side of me, then I have an excuse not to act tough and strong up front.
I'm a girl after all...
A whiny little girl...

Nonetheless, I'm 21 to-be.. Time to face up with the supposedly maturity..
Whiner is a weakling..

Xuan dun wanna be a whining weakling..
haha, but it's hard for me not to whine..lolx!
Maybe, I'll be a tough whiner...lolx..

2009-04-20T13:56:00.002+08:00

I wanna start school soon... =(
I'm tired of being a bum.
Speaking of soon, it will only be next year. =(
-argh..

I miss school life..
Especially when Mui mui called me.
And how Charmaine told me bout her school..
haix...

2009-04-20T13:27:00.003+08:00

Fall sick, =(
subconsciously missing alot of people...
image of some random people constantly pop up, weird dreams and scene...
I remember how I have different people who came and take care of me in the past..
Thasnim, Meifeng, Jonathan.. =) Wei qi, when I'm admitted to hospital in Thailand.
I'm missing them, how they used to take care of me...

Somehow I feel most lonely when I'm sick..
I guess, i need attention..lolx...

When I'm really sick, I can really knock out easily...
and the realm of subconscious mind is amazing..
I feel, see things/people/scene which I tries to avoid..
In that realm, I'm force to face up to all..
I remember crying hard, calling for help, helpless, desperate, alot mix feelings..
I remember I'm in some weird costume, weird language, weird setting...
I wonder if I enter into my past life, if it exist..
Amazing but scary shit...

I wanna be well..
I dont like to be sick. =(
Cos right now, I got no one to whine to.. ='(

2009-04-20T12:52:00.002+08:00

Had my worst hangover, Dbl O kills...
Learnt my lesson..
Did a lot of weird things, was wild, happy, vent out..
The aftermath is terrible!
Anyway, thanks all who standby me..
lolx...

P.s=I'm not going disgrace myself again!
haha..-cross.fingers- =p

2009-04-20T12:51:00.001+08:00

I am 48kg now.. =s
will try harder next week..
this week damn sick.. =(

2009-04-15T13:49:00.001+08:00

I'm gonna put on more weight to please my granny and mum..
target: by end of this week 50-52 kg!

lolx...they say fatter prettier..
haha...i laugh like mad..

2009-04-15T08:44:00.001+08:00

I love morning clouds.. =)
It's so pretty...

2009-04-15T08:25:00.004+08:00

Feeling very weird..
I think i don't wanna be serious with anyone/anything anymore..

I just wanna be alone...

I sick and tired of feeling insecure, disappointed, losing hope and affecting my self-esteem...
It's unfair, I 'm sorry..
I dun even know what I'm doing...

I have decided not to cut my hair...
I'm gonna grow it long...
And shave it in July...
lolx...maybe...if i'm brave enough to do it again..

2009-04-13T13:50:00.003+08:00

Aunty J was mum's long best friend.
Both me and her son was pri school classmate.
After we shifted away from Tampines, mum and her still keep close in contact.
During JC times, her son and my cousin were classmate..
Few years back, she helped out my mum at the stall for weekends and during special occasions.
She is nice and helped my mum in alot of ways, as a friend or as an employee.
My mum appreciate her and am grateful to her.

Last year, my mum got a new helper,MQ, in stall.
I would say MQ is so far the best helper in the stall, after so many years of helpers come and go.
I thought life would be easier for mum now as both aunty J and MQ are very capable..
However, Aunty J cant clique with MQ. She dont like her, I guess she felt threaten by her present. And things turn bad after some time..
There are people who gossips here and there, spreading rumor and causing unnecessary tension between Aunty J and MQ, Aunty J and mum...
Ugly side of Aunty J start to reveal, she lies and excuse herself from work during occasions when mum needs her.
This year, she never help out in the making of new year goodies, mum suspect her doing it ouside and selling to her customers.
Mum is rite, her supplier inform that Aunty J actually tried to use her account to purchase goods at lower price with the supplier.
Nevertheless, mum pretend not known and bear with Aunty J.
After new year, Aunty J initiate her resignation. Mum tries to make her stay, she replied,"Later other people say I cant survive without you." Mum is fed up, so she let her go..

Yesterday, Mum told me Aunty J is working for the other vegetarian stall at our market and customers start questioning why, as mum and dad try to protect her by saying she got work else where after she resign.
But now she is back, working for our rival..
Mum is upset. She dont understand why Aunty J wanna do that to us, and now they can no longer be friends..
Poor mum, she is quite an introvert and dont have much friends..
Her time mostly spend slogging at the stall..
I would say she is naive towards Aunty J, she just refuse to believe the truth...

Aunty J
I guess we fails to assure her how much we appreciate her, and perhaps disappoint her in some occasions.
I rarely helped out in stall, so I dont know what's going on much..
But I guess she feels threaten when mum hired another capable helper, she fear that she might overtake her hence give MQ a hard time at work.
When one is making trouble for others, they will return in the same favour.
Hence the troubles go on, work become a chore, unpleasant.
In addition, there are rivals out there trying to sow discord.
(Market is a complicated place)
And she just blinding believe and fall in their trap.
Doing things which caused the situation to turn so bad.
I dunnoe if this act is betrayal, but it is obivous that it is out to revenge and a rebellious act.
She could have work else where, of all place why the same market?
The point is, she stays in Tampines. Come all the way to Hougang to spite mum?
I think that is stupid, her transport fees and time to travel dont make sense.
(Mum used to pay cab for her to come)
maybe higher pay? i dunnoe...
but i think as a friend she shouldnt be working there, and maybe ethically it is not right..
well...I know she dont think it that way, moreover what is ethical?
it is sad that all that was build over years, friendship with mum, respect from us, just fall.
Maybe not in her perspective but in mine. i feel sad that i lost respect for this person.
In my scoring system, 100 minus away means hard to add back..
Poor thing for her too, that stall is well known for changing worker..
God bless her..

Adults..sometime they are just too ego..
What's ego?
We are not born with it, yet many just indulge in it.
And this thing kills at times...
haix...-shake.head-

Friends for decades...Aunty J betrayed mum...
I start questioning myself...
Will my buddies and other friends betray me?
How strong can our friendship last?
In few years time, I will have quite a number of "decade old" friends..
well, hope our friendship can withstand the test in many years to come. =)
And to my buddies, I have faith in us. =)
Though things might change, we might not be as close but you guys wont betray me.
(i guess...) =p
-close fingers- muahahahahaha..!!!

2009-04-13T13:35:00.002+08:00

Funny dreams/conversation:
Part 1
Joyce: I had a nightmare last nite..
Me: what nitemare?
Joyce: me and someone else killed your siblings...
Me: maybe that someone else is me..
Joyce: no, cos me and that someone is sort of doing you a favour...
Me: haha...

Part 2
Joyce: and i dreamt of W coming back..
Me: haha, izzit?
Joyce: then you are like saying " yeah, we can be tgt again.." den W rolled eyes.
Me: Den you should have help me kill W in your dreams...
Joyce: AHAHAHAHA...Wa...evillllllllllll
Me: haha..

haha...I just find this funny...so random..
These few days I have been having dreams, dreamt of ex-=)...
man, i dun like sleeping...

2009-04-12T14:00:00.003+08:00

I detest desperate guys/girls making use of alcohol to hanky panky, and stupid girls who dunnoe how to reject or protect themselves, worse still girls who are cheap enough to let the guys do what they want...
can only ignore.,yes, i will ignore..
too many to be bothered anyway..
i should close my eyes and wash my hands off, from today onwards...
-argh-

I love after work outing, though it can be tiring.. =)
Got to know more about each and individual each time we go out...
=) Thanks Menghua!
OMG, he is such an interesting guy! =)
I love magic, stars, kayat, nature...=) get to know another IT brillant. =)
Cool "ka ki"..I love ya, bro...so enjoyable... =)))
more outing pls.. =)))
Thanks for the extra miles.. =)

Happy 1st month to Jenelle! =)
My third niece.. =)
fourth coming soon..
hehe...
-loved-

2009-04-11T07:50:00.000+08:00

Party, celebration, drink, cigarette, scandal, drama never fail to go hand in hand..
I used to abominate this whole idea..but over time, i just embrace and accept this..
I'm sort of immune to it, though still sick of all these..
I'm not trying to be mean but I secretly enjoy observing all of it..
It's kinda interesting..haha..
new experience and lesson learnt each time, though some are same old story..

I guess it's a matter of respect.
Respect for one and others for all occasions..

I was told, it's very easy to see the true side of one once he/her gets drunk..
I beg a differ, I think it's only true to a certain extent..
Instead, I see more hypocrite..
I dont like to make friend during such sessions..They are not sober to start with..
Such sessions are more of, starting topics, random chit chatting..
Most often, alcohol is the main culprit/scapegoat.
Culprit, as it makes hinder one from thinking right and create trouble.
Scapegoat, as people make use of it to vent out/ease their needs..
It's interesting how one abuse others trust and use alcohol as the shield to push away responsibililty for their own action and speech..not once nor twice..
I cant deny, I drink both for pleasure and to release myself...
Not often though..haha..
haha...and it's interesting to see all the weird habits/behaviour each time one is drank.
Me and Hakim: go around hugging and kissing..
Tiffy: lie in the middle of the road
wini: quiet melion
Joyce: Ah, nabei I not drunk lor..haha..
Liteng: I'm not drunk! hehehe!
Dominic: I'm alrite -puke- I never puke i just spite..-ZZzzZZ-
Lorinna: I Steady lah, drink...
Jiexin: CHEE BYE LAH I'm okie lor...haha..
Vic: come, touch my ass...harder...
Meifeng: I'm okay! dont touch me...
Gough: Come come, "da"!
Wen Jie: Steady la! you drink i drink, u know i wont force you, i, ..........(chant)
too many to be mentioned....haha...cute la...
Friends are easily made during this kind of occasion..haha..
Alcohol..alcoholic.. =)

Public enemies:
Everywhere I go, school, work place, organisation, event, there will always be one public enemy.
Someone whom everyone detest..
Someone whom everyone choose to gossip about..
I dont know how all these come about, sometime I wonder why..
In fact,I sympathise them.
Not trying to be noble, not as if I never detest the "p.e" acts, just that I will do my best not to add in anything that might contribute to their "black record list"..
I guess more or less they share the same reason why people dont like them, their EQ..
They dont know what to say, what not to say, what to do, what not to, most often at the wrong place and wrong time.
It's kinda sad as I think they dont mean it and most of the time they have no motive(evil kind), they just want some attention and love..just the wrong way they express..
and EQ is something that cant be helped..
Over years I guess they had been experiencing the same shit of being outcast, and right now all they can do is to choose to be ignorant about it, pretending their status "p.e" never exist..
I feel so sorry for that..As a friend I will try to tell them ways which might help them to shorten their "black list'', but old habits die hard..
I will continue befriend them not out of sympathy, but respect and sincerity..
Just don't abuse my trust and love as a friend.

Everyone deserve the right to love and be loved... =)
in my own opinion..=p

2009-04-11T06:55:00.001+08:00

I feel so happy for Jonny & Joanna (J&J)...the sweetest couple who even spread their love(subconsciously) to me.
P.s= I never felt so happy for any couple before, and when things go wrong I felt so heartpain.

Xinlin & uncle Raymond too, though I dont know Uncle R personally but smile and love dont lie..
P.s= Xinlin dearie! I love you smile la..haha

Li mei & reni's bicker of love..
P.s= Reni, you ought to stop biting your love at obvious places like neck..

Joycie and Rong An's understanding of love..I see how Joyce put in her heart.. =)
P.s= Joycie, your mushy blog entries give me goosebumps..=p lolx.. keep it going for him though.

I feel sad for another pair J&J..-shake.head-
Hopefully certain things are not true..
K and A,haix..
gals are kinda sad case...
Flings, flirts, scandal... haix...

Seeing loving couples/loved couples make my day. =)
They make Xuan feel loved too.. =)
Love spread and bring joy around.. =))))

Love brings smile to Xuan...
Friendship brings smile to Xuan too.. =))

I've smiling for friends, i guess love remove that smile of mine since 14 Feb..
ironically it's supposed to be V day. well...but what's Vday anyway...

2009-04-11T05:20:00.000+08:00

hmm... i'm told, there is no reason to be totally honest..
I dunnoe if that's the best way..
No reason to be totally honest to myself and my feelings, if it's for the better...

I'm in the stage where I no longer know how I'm suppose to feel when I see you online for MSN;
how am I suppose to feel when I see your newly updates for facebook and pictures;
what I'm suppose to talk to you about;
how am I suppose to response to what you say;
am I suppose to keep the conversation going or end it;
how am I suppose to feel when the conversation ended;
how am I suppose to feel when you treat me hot and cold;
how am I suppose to feel when I hug or kiss someone else ;
how am I suppose to react when some parts of you still linger;
what am I suppose to do when I start missing you and us;
how am I suppose to react/feel when I dreamt of you;
what am I suppose to do as your fren now;
what kind of friends are we?
what's it like in the future?
this period I think I'm getting motional and emotionally retarded...

I'm coping better now...
it's all over..
instill in my very being...
time and distance best remedies?

If i get another selective memory lost maybe I'll be happier...
emotionally retarded is good too...

2009-04-09T08:59:00.004+08:00

Many people love to tease me and question how I will be like, if I am to eat meat/not vegetarian..
One common comment is, "Chicken wing so nice, you cant eat, so wasted.."
well, to satisfy some of your curiosity, this is what it might be like..

Is that the Xuan you wanna see?
Btw, this pic was taken long ago..

Someone close to me told me, "Xuan, I think you change alot over the years.."
Indeed..I gotta admit for the better and worse in different aspects..
Some love ones are very disappointed with me and I know..
They dont know me, they blame me for not letting them into my world and thoughts..
I was disappointed that they see me as some other "kind of people/bad/rebellious kid".
I wont try to change the way they see me, after all it does not concern me how they wanna regard me as..At least for now I dare to declare that I'm not bothered bout it.
Sorry if I disappoint my love ones, namely family and relatives..

All I wanted to say is, I live my life.
I will be responsible for what I've done.
I'm not saying that I'm not sorry for letting you guys down, nor denying my "wrong" acts.
"wrong", is a matter of prospective.
If (take-for-fun) pictures, rumors can make you doubt my character, I have nothing to say nor will I do anything to clarify.

Someone told me, "For anyone/anything, there is many side where you can choose to look at it."
Indeed..
I'm learning too, to look and analysis things/people from as many different view as possible, to avoid being judgmental or too opinionated..

I thank people who befriend/love me for who I am..
Appreciate..

P.S= I did not eat nor taste that chicken wing, it's the angle where the camera was position when the picture was snap...

It's at which angle where you wanna look at Xuan to determine who I am.

Anyway, dont bother guessing what incident nor who am I referring to for this entry..
It's just a random post from someone who is suffering from insomnia... =(

2009-04-09T07:51:00.010+08:00

I had lotsa joy at work.. =) Weird customers, nice customers, interesting colleagues... learn something everyday. =)

7 tuition kids now.. getting bit stress, but i guess the pay and experience made it all worthwhile. =)

Changing outlet/resigning Starbucks soon..

Enjoy cycling with Pearlyn, ECP.
WOO~~

Went to Godma's place on Monday night, specially reserved that day till Tuesday evening to spend some time with my nieces.. =)) Eat good food, slack max, play with them, chat with my cousins and godma. =) enjoy to the max. =)

Had dinner and played pool with my 3 regular buddies, Ash, Zenn, my 2 pt-bf (Jon & Mic), Joanna, Suria and Rong An. Great outing! haha..but the circle getting bigger sia.. Rojak mix..=p

Random:

It's not a normal rainbow.
It's a rainbow that connects me to mf.. =)
Babe, you dunnoe how happy I was..

This is a weird fruit to me... with claw..lolx!

I saw this, I laughed, I sighed, I walked away...

Life's good. =)

2009-04-06T04:03:00.000+08:00

I love Zoukies! =)
Bartender, floor staff, cashier.. =)

-Xinlin, the outmost abusive wo-man yet someone who never fails to shower me with her suffocating hugs (abusive,lolx!). =)

-Li Mei, someone who nags at me the most but also the one who teaches me and brings me back to
reality most of the time. =)

-Joanna Ong, the big sister of mine, though you always scold-nag-attitude me, but I know you love me only that you express your love differently. haha. =)

-Dominic aka Xiao Ming, my gentle-no-temper brother (only bit cuix when drunk, lolx). =)

-Charmaine, my love and dearest, heart felt no more explaination needed. =)

-Pearlyn, my brother cum sister, someone who don't talk much but my steady cycling buddy. =)

-Gary, my bike bro, so soft yet so man.. =)

-Menghua, brother who protects me by drinking with monster Wenjie, though end up kanan knock out but still appreciate that. =)

-kai, sunshine brother, someone who never fails to smile. =)

-Cheryl, the "ok lor" sister =)

-Lorinna, the baileys cum "steady la" sister =)

-Serena, haha..interesting.. =)

-Adrain, the pretty boy cum ''sui la " brother... =)

-Jonathan, the sweet talker brother.. =)

-Michelle, the pretty teacher-to-be babe.. =)

-Jing jing and Jonathan, sweet couple..

-Jin tong, nice captain who dance gay-ish-ly yet with charm..lolx =)

-Kelvin Chew, Mr doramon who is so cute whenever he smile at food..

-Eric tay, my lao ba, never fails to entertain me with his movement and speech..! =)

-kailing, my young sis cum chocolate supplier.. =))

-zee, my CL (casual lover) muahahaha...=)

-Jac, the cool cool drinker bud..

-barley, the cute smiley bung.. =)

-Ash, hmm...brother cum sister.. =)

-yong chun, cool hair bro..

-Sophia, lian lian but sweet sister.. =)

-Joyce, my dearest buddy at work! =)))))

hmm...might left out some.. but...
i love Zoukies.. =)))
Thanks, you guys make my day at work... =)

2009-04-06T04:00:00.002+08:00

When you left I lost a part of me..

Moving on..
thanks C.H.. =)

2009-04-04T14:41:00.002+08:00

C.H, thanks.. =)
Never feel so loved for a long time..
thanks for being so sweet and nice.. =)

-love-

2009-04-03T15:55:00.002+08:00

浪人情歌 -伍佰

不要再想你，不要再爱你
让时间悄悄的飞逝，抹去我俩的回忆
对于你的名字，从今不会再提起
不再让悲伤，将我心占据

让它随风去，让它无痕迹
所有快乐悲伤，所有过去，通通都抛去
心中想的，念的，盼的，望的，不会再是你
不愿再承受，要把你忘记

我会擦去我不小心滴下的泪水
还会装做一切都无所谓
将你和我的爱情全部敲碎
再将它通通赶出我受伤的心扉

不愿再承受，要把你忘记
不愿再承受，我把你忘记
你会看见的，把你忘记

我想到了一个忘记温柔的你的方法：
我不要再想你，不要再爱你
不会再提起，我的生命中，不曾有你

2009-04-02T15:27:00.000+08:00

缺席 -黄靖伦

爱只剩下躯壳

为什么还不放手却拉扯

是我不甘心还是不舍

为何我还在固执的拔河

爱是不是都一样

无论多漫长终究曲终人散

可是我不想因为不敢却步沮丧

然后半途收场

其实我真的很难过

只是难过都沦为沉默

可能我真的不懂得让你更快乐

我想和你在一起却在你未来缺席

给你的爱那些美丽

已长成藤蔓缠着我的生命

在你的未来缺席

像是一出剧本未完待续

预留伏笔把未完成从容继续

如果还有如果就算瞬间老去毫不犹豫

能不能将你的样子忘掉

舍不舍得爱让我控制不了

只想要把你拥抱

其实爱上一个人没有解药

我的静脉流着爱陪你到老

原来我还会微笑

2009-03-12T18:25:00.000+08:00

醉了吧反正清醒更断肠
其实酒不醉人，人自醉
但自醉欺人又欺己
到头辛苦是自己。

无理去原谅你被叛
但最终还是不舍，原谅你。

算了吧反正有你更孤独
但没你比孤独更痛苦。

你不会知道遗忘有多难
做不到，不能说忘就忘。
为何你能如此忍心放开我们所拥有的一切？
难道我们在你心里以没理由能再逗留？
难道我以不是能让你开心的理由？
还是你以不需要或不要我/我们了？

给你的心不要你还
你也不可能还得了。

痛不要你偿
不想你受一样的痛。

陪你走过一段
七情六欲全都品尝

爱你的苦不要你扛
你扛得了吗？

泪不要你挡
只要你留在我身旁，泪会是喜悦的，不必挡。

七情六欲打翻
笑著哭哭著笑去想你的模样
失去你而哭但毕竟和你有那一段非常美的过去，那回忆是我的快乐。

走了吗走到那都一样
没有你一切都不重要。

你不肯搬出我心上
我不舍，不想，也不要你搬出我心房。

断了吗断了见面想不断
不见面就能断吗?
我一点都不希望断，很不想，很不舍得断，如果你愿意我们可以再继续。

为何我总是为难我的慌
说恨，但是恨不了
说爱，但是心却怕了
说放，却越握越紧
说要忘了你，却发现自己更加想你
说要离开你，却发现离不开你
说恨你是因为太爱你了，只好骗自己去恨你，骗不过，心里更难过
说不在管你，却不由自主的守在你身旁，只希望你会有需要我的一天
若有那么一天，只要你转头我一定在你左右。

你知道吗？
（感想非笔墨能形容）。。。。。。
我知道我不应该，但我还是会，会深爱着你。
希望，希望我们还有以后。。。。。。

2009-03-09T06:34:00.002+08:00

偶然
诗人：徐志摩
　

我是天空里的一片云，
偶尔投影在你的波心——　

你不必惊异，　
更无须欢喜——
在转瞬间消灭了踪影。　

你我相逢在黑夜的海上，你有你的，我有我的，方向；　
你记得也好，最好你忘掉，在这交会时互放的光亮。

2009-03-09T06:11:00.002+08:00

不知为何，近来情绪起伏不定。
很想，甚至尝试以理智克服一切，但必定会受到情绪的影响。。

或许我需要的只是一点儿运气；
或许我需要的是果断的判决；
或许我需要的是自私自利的抉择；
或许我需要的是心灵上的安抚；
或许我需要的是一点儿勇气；
或许我需要面对更严酷的挫折；

我想我需要的是精神与心灵上的突破。。
希望冥冥之中会有奇迹。。
希望。。。

2009-03-07T17:46:00.002+08:00

Sometime it's really very easy to make Xuan happy...
A bit of dream, hope, smile, attention, listening ears, whining, hug...
will do. =)

haha, is it alot?

2009-03-07T17:31:00.003+08:00

阳光总在风雨后- 许美静

人生路上甜苦和喜忧
愿意与你分担所有
难免曾经跌倒和等侯
要勇敢的抬头

谁愿常藏躲在避风的港口
宁有波涛汹涌的自由
愿是你心中灯塔的守侯
在迷雾中让你看透

阳光总在风雨后
乌云上有晴空
珍惜所有的感动
每一份希望在你手中

阳光总在风雨后
请相信有彩虹
风风雨雨都接受
我一直会在你的左右

2009-03-04T15:25:00.002+08:00

I don't want the gap! =(

I want love, sayang, hugs and kisses.. =(

I dont wanna be 21 anytime soon! =(

I want you.. =(

2009-03-04T15:13:00.001+08:00

Not feeling good these few days... ='(

only wx knows.. =(

2009-03-02T23:41:00.003+08:00

Just came back from a camp.

Suppose to be a mentor leadership programme, but I take it as a sharing camp. =)

Learn alot..lotsa take away for me.. =)

I hope i contribute enough for others to take back too..

Friendship establish too. =)

People on the same page clique well I suppose. =)

This camp change quite a lot of my perspective for certain issue, hope it last long enough.

Thank You. Blossom class 33.=)

2009-03-02T23:32:00.004+08:00

叶子在窗外轻轻摇
动人行道没有行人走过
镜子里的我很不像我
自从你离开了我变得很软弱

你的影子在每一个角落
好像是在提醒着我
少了你的陪伴
我现在有多寂寞

我想我可以习惯一个人生活
我想我可以假装不曾爱过
感觉如果要走谁能说 NO
冰凉的夜里让眼泪温热我
我想我可以习惯一个人生活
在记忆里面擦去你的承诺
爱情怎么会是这个结果

爱情是个梦而我睡过头

2009-02-20T03:02:00.003+08:00

Today will be the last time I cry for you.
No more.

lost it all..

2009-01-18T23:36:00.005+08:00

I was abnormal for the past 7 months.
Abnormally happy.

now I'm kick back to the reality.

2009-01-13T02:36:00.003+08:00

In life, sometime all we need is one person.
The right person, at the right place, right time.
Someone who can simply make everything right. =)
Someone who you don't wanna live without and would give up everything just to be with that someone.
Someone can be a friend, a lover or a soulmate.

I used to blame God, for giving me lotsa friends but no one who is my special someone.
Now I come to realise, if I'm patient enough, good things will eventually come to me.
Thank God, I have family, buddies, friends who really care and love for me, and I have "2 special someone". 2 who make my life so wonderful and that I can turn to 2 of them whenever I want to.I truely love all of you. and definitely my 2 besties =). Thanks. =)

I've learnt alot from all my friends. Learn from how they fall, pick up or picking up, and mature..
Thanks for including me in your learning and growing process.
Thanks those who meet me for the past few weeks. =) Is good catching up one to up with you guys. =)
Friends in life come and go. I've learnt to cherish all at any point of time. No matter, if we have a chance to meet again or not, no regrets. =)
Thanks all... =)
Let's work towards a better future. Starting again, a new year 2009. =)

I may not update my blog as often, but I'm fine. And I believe in life, there's too many to be mention or worth mention on blog, if I am to.
Just wanna say, I'm good. Doing well. Hoping to do even better in life. =)

=) left. I was depress. Am sad. But moving on.
It's just the missing of someone dear.
Thank God for internet, MSN and SKYPE.
Lolx!

Good day folks! =)

2008-12-16T12:03:00.002+08:00

Was damn busy the whole of last week.
Alot of event.
Zouk out knock me out.
haha. but seriously enjoy the company of all my colleagues. =)
20 hours no rest.
I'm getting macho! =x lolx

needless to say =) surprise me with lotsa sweetness..
~melt
haha... =)

Btw, I dunnoe Mencius is my new love.
LOLX...
King Xuan of qi indeed.
Suicnem quote: "many years later, (after several reborn), queen qi of xuan... "

drown in =) love sweetness..
cherish..=)

counting down 13 more days of =) happiness...

2008-12-01T15:28:00.000+08:00

cause and effect?
Karma?

I think I have never try hard enough for anything.
Never put in my best for anything, anyone.
It's only right that everyone else move on.

Right now I cant be bother by anything else.

I think getting insecure..
I need my =) before =) is gone...

I shouldnt think too much,but I cant help...

I am getting scare..
I fear...

Whispering our goodbyes
I remember laughing till we almost cried
(there on the train that night)
I look into your eyes

Oh my love, its you and that I dream of
Oh my love, since that day
Somewhere in my heart Im always
loving you

Doesnt matter what I do now
Doesnt matter what I say
Somewhere in my heart Im always
thinking of you

Every night and every day now
Though I know you're going away
Somewhere in my heart Im always
loving and missing you

Lets not think about tomorrow.
I just wanna cherish all the remaining time with =)

2008-12-01T14:59:00.002+08:00

Home on the first day of the last month of 2008.

Xuan has been busy working but not seeing her bank account growing at all. =(
haiz. congrat to all who has finish their A level.
1 year had past for mine.

=) is leaving in a month's time.
Xuan dunnoe what to do without =)
=(

Xuan is growing old.
2009 is coming.
Hopefully it will be a great year.
Xuan need a break through.

Drifting drifting from shore..

2008-11-14T01:24:00.007+08:00

xuan is currently enjoying her life. =) maxmaxmax!
I'm recovering from my slackaholic to workaholic status.

4 jobs:
-Starbucks
-Zouk
-Data Entry
-tuition

Yes.Happy learning.Making new friends.

I'm definitely missing all my friends.
Mui,Yinmei,Aloy,Mat rock,Anqi,Aik Hong,Yien,Phoon,Manying,Becca,Nat,Steffi,Wan Rui,Fel,...
JC,secondary,primary,cca,work friends..
Gosh,so many...the list goes on and on...

And the year is coming to an end soon...fast...
I'm gonna be 21 years old in about half a year's time?
I dont wanna to..

anyway,it's =) bday on 13 Nov.
Happy Birthday.

My hair growing back!! =)
Confidence back! lolx!

Helped 2 casualties at PS. =)
Thanks to St John years of training.
NCO camp is coming.=)

Involvement with YEP =)))

Test date for class 3,6 feb 2009.. =))

I love MAMBO JUMBO !
woolala~~~
90.5 fm is good too.

I am learning to work.
Serious yet fun working experiences.
yes. I wanna be a good staff.
I wanna strive hard.

I appreciate all my love ones,darlings and friends.
Thank You for playing a part in my life.
I'm learning to take everyday as a challenge and enjoyable experience. =)
Yes!

Happy Xuan wanna be!

Hey peers! Take care lotsa too!

2008-10-29T01:40:00.007+08:00

Wini's 20th birthday!

Beloved Joycie.. =)

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUDDY!!! =)

2008-10-27T03:41:00.000+08:00

我相信-杨培安

想飞上天
和太阳肩并肩
世界等着我去改变

想做的梦
从不怕别人看见
在这里我都能实现

大声欢笑让你我肩并肩
何处不能欢乐无限

抛开烦恼
勇敢的大步向前
我就站在舞台中间

我相信我就是我
我相信明天
我相信青春没有地平线
在日落的海边
在热闹的大街
都是我心中最美的乐园

我相信自由自在
我相信希望
我相信伸手就能碰到天
有你在我身边
让生活更新鲜
每一刻都精采万分

I do believe

=)

2008-10-27T02:40:00.000+08:00

It's time to start working.

Paid a high price for a lesson learnt in life.
I give up on it. It's my decision.
Hopefully I'll not commit such a mistake again.
Now I just hope that i can proceed on to the next phase, smoothly..
Moving on...

I promise I'll work hard.

2008-10-20T13:54:00.003+08:00

I know 3 person who had headache and cant slp last nite. A,B,C.

A and B were missing and thinking bout one another but communication,trust,fear kills them.
The other was alone,she dun wanna be like A and B.

She dun wanna be away from D. She just dunnoe how to express herself.
Sometimes she hopes to understand D more.
Somehow things always backfired.

Maybe things between 2 really require alot of effort. Not one but two.
Maybe A should stop thinking about the cynical stuff and cherish what she has now?
Maybe B can do a bit more to calm A and assure A, honesty might not be best solution all the time, maybe not when things yet to be established?
Maybe C should learn to keep some stuffs to herself, her care and concern might not be the thing D need for now? maybe space is.

I bet last nite is a bad nite for A,B,C.
At the very least, it is for C.

2008-10-20T00:54:00.002+08:00

tired.cant sleep.
mood swing max!!!
damn. i believe i can kill an ant now! (okay,i dun mean it.)

i need help.

2008-10-09T00:29:00.000+08:00

Went Sentosa with B.,Jo and Tiffy few weeks back. =)
fun,joy and laughter.. =p

2008-10-09T00:12:00.000+08:00

Random happiness.. =)

Out with beloved juniors.
Fun! Never wanna grow up.

My tuition kids..
One honest but express wrongly.
The other obviously copied answer but apply on wrong question.

Buddies ring. =)
Wini aka de last girl still eating..
Suria's princess..

2008-10-09T00:08:00.003+08:00

Attended F1 with my buddies.. =)
nice. =)
The best part is back to the sense of belonging for St John as a big family. =)
haha, my buddies finally understand why.. =)

2008-10-06T04:20:00.003+08:00

Help!!!

Insomnia..

update 6 posts randomly..

-boo-

I wanna sleep...
I wanna be normal... =(

Hurr..
I miss teddy wei...
Any lawyer available to fight a case for me?
I wanna get back my bear's custody...
-argh

i miss wx.

2008-10-06T04:10:00.008+08:00

Batam trip with my buddies was awesome. =)
Massage, shopping, A & W, cam-whoring, nua-ing... =)))

Enjoy myself to the max!
I love them... =)

2008-10-06T03:47:00.002+08:00

I seriously don't understand how marriage work.
well, I'm not in one.

I wonder:
how love sustain?
why does one cling on?
why the self denial?
why the trouble to compromise?
how it feels to be a living widow?
how love overcome all the hurts?
why not break free?
why the hassle?
How can one stay in marriage but not love the other party?
If love, how did they manage to even separate fling and lust with their partner?
How can they love yet approach someone else?
How can they not be home every nite?
How can they tolerate the betrayal so blindly?
How did they come up with so many excuses to deceive themselves that the other partner is being selfish and no longer love them?

Maybe it works the same way as relationship...

Maybe i should never give it a try..maybe no more...

I hate marriage drama..

2008-10-06T03:38:00.002+08:00

Happy belated Teachers' day.
This year, I never visit nor wish any teacher a happy teachers' day.
Maybe I felt too ashamed to face any one of them for now...
Maybe is the self-conscious and egoistic within me that stopped me from doing so..
Nevertheless, I seriously appreciate all the effort, help and guidance given by them -everyone of them..
I dont deny the fact that I'm a problematic student,and that I'm not in good terms with some teachers especially in my JC.
Still, I gotta thank them. Sincerely...

I love my teachers.
Thank You.

2008-10-06T02:59:00.006+08:00

Random:

Watch "Money not enough 2".
The plot is so-so, just that it manage to hit the right spot to move me to tears.
granny, family...money...bike...
well...4/5 star =)
worth it.

ohh, i treated mum for movie on her birthday! =)
Her 2nd time to movie since I'm born!
881 is the first.
lolx! saluate her! =)
Happy Birthday mum!
And i love you so.. =)

Learn knitting! =)
completed a zen stone pouch and a scarf!! =))))
Took about 40 days to complete the scarf. =)
I did it! haha..
Insights gain from the process of knitting.
Thanks Miss Toh aka Mrs Leow.
p.s=the feeling of knitting for straight 9 hours is..SHIOK!

Attended St John AGI.
I miss St John days..schooling days...
Nice chatting with Miss Hong.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEIXUAN!! =)

Attended Ting yu's birthday party. =)
Happy birthday babe! =)